Gates Of Hades

2011-01-10T21:34:00.001+08:00

WHY did I feel so left out just now? :( I don't understand it. Is it me? I don't know anymore...

Not enough...

2011-01-02T23:41:00.002+08:00

MANY times, i really feel like i'm not good enough. like i see them, and it's like, i wonder if they'd been better for you. and it hurts. and it sucks. cos i know. i mean, i also know the truth, but deep down, subconsciously, i dunno what happens. i saw it. deep down, there's still that spark, that yearning. something i could never replace. but hey, i understand. after all, i'm not perfection incarnate. though i wish i were. yeah i know what they're gonna say. why aren't you grateful for what you have? don't look at what you want, look at what you have right? well, it can be rly difficult to do that a lot of times...cos it just seems so unfair. that no matter how hard i try, you can never be enough. not for anyone. that image is branded on my mind now. and i know it's gonna affect me for a while. like, maybe it wld've been so much better for everyone. bottomline? i'm just not good enough. really. if i ever thought i was, then it was a mistake. it is a mistake. it's sad. it affects me so much. makes me wanna go back to my old ways. but i know i musn't, for you...though it would mitigate the pain to a certain extent. in fact, to a large extent. and i would deserve it wholly. alas, i can only dream of it...i can't get that image out of my head now. it wld really have been better for you.

2 months...

2010-12-26T11:44:00.003+08:00

IT'S been a full (almost) 2 months since i last posted. quite a lot has happened in that 2 months actually. i don't think i'm gonna be writing a whole long narrative. cos i realised that not many people do that for their blogs. haha. but oh well. i guess if i have to write an essay here i will :) i guess, all i want to say right now is that , sigh, i'm gonna be gone again. and i'm gonna be without you. i hope this isn't a precursor to what the future's gonna be like. cos i don't think i could take that...i'l only be back on new year's eve eve. and i'm leaving on monday. this sucks. you should be with me, but you're not. and now i'm dreading saying goodbye again. like i always do. like how i know you do too. it's gonna hurt. so much. for us both. that much, i'm sure of. it's just so damn unfair. all i'll have are pictures. and what ifs...not something very pleasant.

~Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you~

Never Enough...

2010-10-23T12:32:00.002+08:00

ONCE again, i'm never enough. it'll never be enough. always outdone. always.

RESURRECTED...

2010-10-19T00:47:00.002+08:00

MY dear bloggy is NOT dead. OKAY?! I'm here to resurrect it from the ashes. HAHAHA. so what's up world? i know, i haven't posted since the end of july, and yes, that is a crime deserving of the death penalty, and no less but oh well. like i said, life in JC has and is still is a daily nightmare. for the first time in 10 years, even though i've finished my final year exams, i'm still working like a dog, and doing all sorts of crap, the least of which is PW. like omg, dun even get me started on pw; i think i have started on it before. so to prevent myself from going on a furious diatribe about the demerits of pw, i shall cease my strictures here. XD

So yeah...there's a deeparaya concert coming up this thur for the s1, s2 kiddies, so yeah. i'm involved in a small part in that. the rehearsal's tmr. whoopee. apart from that, i'm still cracking my head during lessons, during pw, council...etc. and my eyes are burning right now cos of how exhausted i am. like seriously. thank god tmr isn't that long a day. though i need to chiong out my InR for PW like, during every freaking break i have. -.- sianz. i haven't gone out with a few ppl in ages. hope u forgive me peeps. i'm sure u understand the living hell that JC life has become. yeah...what else is there? well nothing much rly...my 6th month of being attached just passed, and i'm still happy..so yeah...but seriously, my eyes hurt. okay then, my blog is officially NOT dead ash, and i'm gonna go sleep now. NIGHTS!~

Hanyut...

2010-07-27T09:31:00.003+08:00

DRIFTING further and further away from everything that I wanted, from what we discussed, all of us. Empty promises; the oaths and vows ring hollow now, reverberating in the darkness with everys strike from the accursed toller. Deafening silence threatens to pervade the atmosphere, impelling me to feel its nigh tangible, oppressible vice-grip. What do i do now?

Aku Bukan Untukmu...

2010-07-26T21:20:00.000+08:00

Rossa - Aku Bukan Untukmu

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

HAH...

2010-07-23T21:56:00.001+08:00

HAH. u see, i posted before 10pm. hahahaha. now u can't say anything against me. :D

Leprechauns, pots of gold and unicorns, rainbows and elmo...(don't ask)

2010-07-22T23:45:00.003+08:00

CLUTCHING my pillow now, staring at my computer screen, and thinking about everything that happened today, makes me realise a few things. that things aren't exactly the same anymore. even more people care about me now, and never before did I know my friends would shed so many tears for me. i mean, guys in general dun shed tears rmbr? so being in an all guys sch for 10 years kinda sealed that deal. anyway, being friends with girls opened my very parochial and insular eyes, that i have to be so much more careful about what i say, lest it affects someone. yes, in retrospect, i was highly insensitive, but i guess i was just too used to it.

And yes, I have never had anyone cry for me in front of me. it's a very, very distressful situation. not to mention hesitant and filled with pregnant pauses. everyone walking past prob thought i made her cry or something. u ah. and i swear, i felt totally helpless and pathetic, just sitting there watching ur friend cry her eyes out for you, cos of what u did. it was seriously, a life experience. so thanks for that. no seriously, not joking. thanks for opening my eyes and for showing me that people do give more than a flying shit about me, and about what i do...and thanks for saying all that you said, and i think today was really a meaningful day for both of us, as we learn more about each other as friends.

So yeah, today has been a highly emotional day for me...like seriously. i so did not expect anything of this sort when i walked into school this morning, on a frigid, blustery morning when the weather was exhibiting signs of inclemency. ooh its starting to sound like how my narratives usually sound. yay! haha. ok then, i said i wanted to sleep by 12 tonight. look what happened to that. so annoying la. tomorrow i got banner painting again. so fun la...our NDC banner is so awesome (nice one babe <3)>

PW...

2010-07-19T14:01:00.001+08:00

AMALGAMATION TO ALTERNATIVES BACK TO AMALGAMATION. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.

Meaning of Life...

2010-07-14T22:37:00.001+08:00

I am confident that I have found the meaning of life. screw all u philosophers. basically, this is it.

FUCK MY LIFE

William Blake...

2010-07-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

OMG i haven't blogged in more than a month! i'm so sorry my bloggy. this is what JC life does to you. it's so cruel. but anyway. i just wanted to post something up, cos i just happened to be watching the first Tomb Raider, which of course you all know, features my ALL-TIME favourite heroine Lady Lara Croft WOOTS. not for obvious reasons, but for who she is. no NOT angelina jolie. i can't stand angelina jolie. i said, LARA CROFT. anyway, this came up. this is an extract from Auguries of Innocence, by William Blake.

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Which is extremely interesting to me...looking at how my life has been
turning out...yeah, just some reflections on my part...

Lately...

2010-06-08T22:29:00.002+08:00

YOU know bloggy, lately, i haven't had much to write about. and i've noticed this change effecting itself from the time i first entered JC. it's not very difficult to trace this life back. when i was in secondary school, my blog posts were so much more lively, and more sophisticated and interesting. now...they're just like outpourings of grief, with utterly substandard english and language usage. -.- i'm devastated. mortified. jaded. ahh my favourite word: jaded. oh well. what am i supposed to do about it you ask me? i have no idea. not the faintest inkling. :'( it causes such anguish and impels me to feel so morose...

Behind These Hazel Eyes! sorry, thats the current song playing in WMP, and its my ALL-TIME FAVOURITE song. sigh. ok random. i just spent 2 hours of my life cracking my head on GPP for PW with my group over msn...and it was super unproductive. on my part at least. oh well. i have now come to a blogger's block. haiz. what is my life coming to? all i see is work, work and more work for the next 2 years of my life. just now i checked the admissions for medicine (for the umpteenth time, yes) and this time i checked the grade profile of the 2009 cohort. 90th percentile? AAA/A. 10th percentile? AAA/A. how 'A'wesome is that? it means even the bottom 10% of the cohort had straight As. awesome. and then i'm thinking, hmm, a lot of NJ students had straight As. then i think, well they probably worked their asses off. which is NOT what i'm doing NOW!!! i'm. screwed. for. life. ~

OMG...

2010-05-24T23:23:00.003+08:00

OK, so my common tests for pre-june ended today. it's only one day anyway. lol. ki and econs. omg i swear if i scrape a pass, miracles do happen. nvm. now i hv to look forward to post-june cts. bio, chem anddddd MATHS. omg. god save me. and today is not a very good start to a not very good week either. that, i'm sure of. today, disastrous CTs. then i find out some information which is really rather...surprising. and i'm not just referring to MLD. so enough of that ppl. seriously. there were other more, pressing matters. ahem. so yeah, informal gm today was ok....tomorrow i hv my IBN interview. oh shit. havent filled up blue form. ok nvm. tomorrows 2 hr break can. lol. yeah...then wednesday got adhoc meeting at 4...then thursday probably got something aft school also...and i hv to meet my comm teacher i/c before term ends. and i dun even knw when the makeup tutorials and lectures are during june. haiz. stress la...then got so much crap (LIKE PW D:<) during june hols. u knw, i'm actually most likely, dropping h3 star. like seriously. its so not worth my time being like taken up so much...hopefully, i can get a h3 content next year. like chem.

Anyway, omg i can't believe its been like, 15 days, like half a month since i last posted on my 17th birthday ^^! thats how busy i've been okay?! trust me, i've been wanting to blog so many things la, but just didn't have the damn time to. and i do NOT want my blog to be killed due to my negligence. i have raised it like my child for far too long for the likes of NJ and facebook to threaten it. my dear blog shall be protected at all costs. and now i just sound mental. anyway. HOPE U ALL LOVE THE NEW LAYOUT! it feels so fresh i knw...haha. but yet its still the same old same old Gates of Hades aite? yups :D ok a few things have happened during this interim period, but i really can't rmbr that well, apart from going out with someone (yes, you, babe <3) a few times. haha. and havocking with my uber-awesome bffs. ok yeah well. i shall try my best to keep blogging with the regularity i had prior to enrolling in a jc, if such a feat is within the realms of human capability. but for now, i have school tomorrow, and cougar town on tv, so nights! ~

Birthday and Mothers' Day

2010-05-09T15:18:00.002+08:00

OKAY so today is like, officially my birthday, im seventeen! haha. and i guess its kind of cool being 17, but yeah it hasnt really sunk in yet. i'm sure there are plenty of ppl (in particular, a few) who would more than gladly make me feel 17 LOL. xD joking. anyway, enough about me.

i would like to dedicate this post to mothers all around the world! with the message, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!! <3 here's to all the mothers out there, being the superwomen that they are, and for everything that they've done for us, cos without them we wouldn't be here, at all. so let's give it all up for our mothers this mothers' day. :D here's my LOVE to all mothers everywhere! muackZ! XOXO

Last moments...

2010-05-08T23:57:00.002+08:00

OMG its my last 3 minutes of being 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't want to turn 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in fact, u all knw i wanna stay 15 all my life, but 16's fine tooooooo!!!!!! ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok laaaaaaaaaa, this shall be my last post as a 16-year old, sadly. sniff sob sob sniff....AND I ONLY CREATED FACEBOOK TO UPLOAD PICS! GET THIS STRAIGHT PEOPLE!

2010-05-02T23:43:00.002+08:00

so yeah, i have exactly one week to my 17th birthday, and this is my last week being 16. i'm so sadddd.. :'( ok anyway. it's been 17 days babe. haha. those who knw what im talking about, laugh it up, suck it up. haha. its been awesome, rly. and as im writing this, you're struggling through chem. haha. and we have dance tmr. so yeah. 9-2. thats ok i guess. ok anw ppl, jiayou! ARISTAL is just 2 days away!!!!!! love you all <3 (and of course, love you babe <3)

CAMWHORE!...

2010-05-01T13:13:00.004+08:00

CAMWHORING IN SCHOOL!!!

These are my fellow Council Elects, when we were at boarding...

This is the usual gang, camwhoring during break XD

Life thus far...

2010-05-01T11:52:00.005+08:00

OMG, i can't believe that i haven't blogged in almost 2 freaking months. argh. so much for not letting my blog die. ok. well, in that almost 2 months, quite a lot has happened in my life ^^. basically, i've been through hell and back, and then went for a resort to celebrate (i'm joking, but it's kind of like that haha). but yeah, i can't really remember what's been happening since the last entry. all i remember is campaigning for council, which was crazy, then speech day, then some very crazy things happening haha xD. those of you with me, you'll knw what. anyway, then after that, was a period of catching up with work, then council elects' camp last weekend, which was pure hell. but yeah, it was also ok la. ive rly got to knw my fellow elects so much better. then we just had our boarding programme this week, from 25/4-30/4. compulsory boarding for council elects. it was SO much fun. srsly, staying with ur friends is so much fun. we all bonded even more. among other things... ;)

So yeah, that's about it so far. i'm desperately catching up on work. oh and everything that happened above has been happening together with our increasingly tiring and crazy trainings for ARISTAL, so in addition to everything, i've had to memorise my dance, and been getting sore feet. like seriously. i realised i couldn't walk barefeet that day cos my feet were so sore. lol. but yeah, luckily i enjoy dance so much. and ARISTAL is this coming wednesday, so hopefully, i'll be able to go back to my work. i can't wait for aristal. i swear. its full house, all tickets SOLD OUT. i'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage. better be ready hope that u feel the same...all eyes on me in the centre of the ring, just like a circus! haha. cldnt resist.

Which brings me to my next major point. KELLY CLARKSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!! it was totally awesome. like seriously la. i think i just died when she started ok. after waiting about 6 years for that day, i was like. WTFFFF. i cant believe kelly clarkson, my idol, my goddess, is singing her lungs out in front of me. and it was an absolutely perfect performance. every note hit was perfect. her rapport was excellent, her attitude impeccable. i'm just full of praise. only criticism: she should have sung the songs from the prev album, and before that more. like not just medleys. but the full song. and dun acoustic some songs. some songs need to be rocked out. like Behind These Hazel Eyes. that is my all-time fave KC song, but she did it acoustic. i mean, i knew la, since i'd already seen the setlist, but still. so sad. and she needs to sing more songs from my december. like seriously, thats my fave album from her. that record is just so emotionally chilling and spellbinding. but yeah ok. too bad i missed her my december tour in perth. remember that one? haha. yeah. but omg. it was A-MAY-ZING. haha. okies, thats about it for now.

Hellhole...

2010-03-12T22:54:00.002+08:00

OMG i can't believe that it's been almost a month since i last blogged. but that should give you a rough guesstimate of how busy i've been this past month...but yeah this past month or less has been nothing short of hell on earth. i'd rather take secondary school life a million times over, than go through what i've been through in the last month or so. and no, i am NOT exaggerating. trust me. i've never been more drained in my life. i really dunno how i'm gonna survive this year, let alone next year, which is said to be like, a lot, more worse. anyways. apart from that, i dun like our principal. but i shall not say anything more than that, cos im applying for student council, and i dun need incriminating evidence levelled against me. just knw that dun like, is a gross, gross understatement of my true feelings. so yeah. lessons are very painful. i'm falling behind on work. i constantly feel stupid there. so on and so forth. its really too mugger. its crazy...thank thank god its the march hols. i rly need a break. but sadly, i've got a mountainload of homework. trust me, when i said last time that i had a mountainous pile of homework in SJI, it was nothing, NOTHING, compared to the shit i have to do in this next week. just thinking about it gives me a splitting headache. haiz...i wish i could turn back time, freeze it, be forever 15...

Was just talking about it with ash just now. after sch today, went with zh and ash to help chris with a proj over at HCI, then we went out for dinner at upp bukit timah. opposite bukit timah shopping centre there, the al-ameen. ok la, not bad, we had quite a fun time. catching up and all that. yeah. so yeah, thats about it. and i think im gonna fail the chem exit test that i had today. great. there goes my chem reputation. and my image as chem rep. ah who cares...ok i'm gonna go unwind now. ciaoz~

Beer!...or not...

2010-02-17T22:19:00.003+08:00

OK so i just had to post this. i was at ntuc that day getting groceries, and i was in the checkout line, then i saw to my right, this shelf of non-alcoholic malt beverages. basically, its nonalcoholic beer. i dunno if u can call it that. haha. whatever. im not an alcoholic. yeah. so yeah. it tastes disgusting. i dunno, does the alcohol actually contribute to the taste? can someone enlighten me? those of you who were drinking over the new year. pls. thanks. haha. ok yeah, so i decided to take a pic of it and upload. if this is what beer tastes like,i seriously wonder how ppl can like, chug bottles of it. lol. yeah. and it was $0.80. i had to try it. i just like, leaned over to the shelf and get it. haha. ok pics.

so cool...haha

Char Siew Bao...

2010-02-16T15:51:00.002+08:00

OK so i decided to give this recipe a try. needless to say, it turned out a complete disaster. lucky it's edible. seriously. but what can i say? it's a first try. and i'm quite sure making bao is quite difficult, taking many tries to master, let alone perfect. or maybe, u say, im just making excuses for my ineptitude. haha. whatever floats your boat. anyway, decided to post some pics of it. i knw, it looks horribly deformed and mutated. forgive me. if i cld help it, i would never portray dim sum in such a fashion (so unglam), knowing how much of a dim-sum-worshipper i am. HAHA. ok ppl, hyperbole. dun get all religious blasphemy on me. moving on...pics!

Char Siew Bao!

Gyoza for Lunch...

2010-02-15T15:04:00.002+08:00

SO i decided to cook up a batch of gyoza for lunch, and cos i was feeling bored. turned out nice. i wolfed it down hungrily. haha. heres the pics. made some chilli oil to accompany it too. piping hot gyoza, with spicy chilli oil...yummmm..heaven on earth...HAHA. enjoy:p~

Gyoza!!! yum!

Xin Nian Kuai Le!...

2010-02-13T20:24:00.002+08:00

HEY everyone, Happy Chinese New Year, 恭喜发财, 万事如意!!! have a great year of the tiger ahead, with much joy, wealth, abundance, prosperity, hope and happiness and of cos, LOVE! :D cheers!

OG BBQ!...

2010-02-12T23:12:00.005+08:00

OK so we had an OG bbq yest. it was totally impromptu. cos like, rachel suddenly asked if we wanted a bbq at her hse during lunch break, and everyone said ok. so yeah, they went to get supplies aft sch, then we had the bbq. so heres the pics. it was ttly fun. then, some of us went to chomp chomp aft the bbq for sugarcan and dessert, which was so nice, before catching the train home. it was like, the last train and we were running for it. hilarious. at 11.30pm. riiight...anyways, nuf said. heres e pics!

School...Suay...Diao...

2010-02-05T23:19:00.002+08:00

OK. first things first. orientation. theme: genesis. so cool. k anyway. first 2 days were damn boring, cos it was all the lectures and admin crap, subject combi and all that. so yeah. oh btw my combi is like BCME KI. which is totally cool. haha. ok yeah. so the next 3 days were a lot more fun. we had station games, house and inter-house sessions, a waterbomb war, and a freaking dance party. which was so cool. they like converted the hall into a discotheque. they even hired an external DJ to spin tracks. i swear, that was the highlight (for me) of the whole orientation, apart from our OGLs' performances, which were mindblowing. oh and i have a truly marvellous OG. whoo OG19!!! OG19 rawks! ;p and totally cool OGLs not to mention! ok anyway, so yeah my friends and i got totally down and dirty during dance party. haha. but srsly, i screamed myself hoarse during the party, while partying the night. after, that, 4 of us went to island creamery (omg, the ice cream there totally rocks), then went home.

Right, so that was the orientation. it was rly fun. then the last 2 days, including today, have just been lectures. intro lectures. but still, the bio teacher got started on carbohydrates yesterday, the chem and KI teachers got started on stoichiometry and epistemology respectively today. and the chem teacher alr gave us homework. that naggy, anal bitch. haha. anyway, managed to complete the homework during the 2 hour break. haha. i love lecture timetable. so slack. im so not looking forward to tutorials and full timetable. so yeah. but yeah, i think lectures are fun. i think im gonna fail everything if i keep sitting beside rachel haha. we're like, laughing through every lesson. ok nvm. on to my ultra, uber suay day today.

So today, after friday prayers, i went to orchard with linus to get his lit texts. omg, i swear orchard was empty. it was freaky. and there werent any students. not even sec sch students. i think its with great regret to say that orchard goers died out with my generation being the last. my juniors are so not cool. haha. ok divagation aside. yeah so after that, i was supposed to like meet my OG at KAP for an outing, but cos i took so long, they wanted to go play lan at beauty world. so i went to beauty world, walking around that sleazehole (oops), then i call rachel and she tells me that theyre not at beauty world, theyre at bt timah shopping ctr. i was like, ok, wher is that? so she picked me up, then we went to this cool cafe. half my og were alr there. so we just sat there talking, playing crazy games, making fools of ourselves. it was so much fun. haha. then i had to leave early cos i had to collect the tix for airshow tmr, since they were under my name. and so starts the ultra suay adventure.

Rushing out to get to the other side to take the bus, i accidentally go up into BTSC, instead of BW, like im supposed to. usually, zh brings me ard when im there, so i forgot. haha. so i was running around, trying to find a way ard. then, as i find the way, and am crossing the overhead bridge, i just missed 171. then i had to wait like, 3 eternities for the next one. my god. and i had to make it to dhoby ghaut by before 8. it was like, 7.25 when i got on the bus. yeah i was so screwed. then i got so pissed, i got off at newton stn, and took the mrt to dhoby ghaut. then, of cos when i get there in the nick of time, the sistic counter is down, their systems are down. i was like, shit. so then i called sistic, and they told me the only agent left open was the one at indoor stadium. i was like, are u serious? haha. so then i took the train to ct hall, to change to EWL. then as im boarding the EWL to kallang, my bag gets caught in the train doors cos the stupid caucasians in front of me were taking their freaking sweet time to get aboard. so i was like trying to force the door open. luckily, it opened, or id have died. haha. then so paiseh. so yeah, then i go to kallang. then, i miss the bus that goes to indoor stadium. i could cry. it was like 8+ liao. so i waited like, another 10 eternities for the next service 11, then i got off at the wrong stop. so i had to walk (alone, in the empty stadium compound, in the semi-dark) so freaking far. then i was searching for the sistic booth. after finally locating it, i went to collect. but they said i needed my mums credit card. but my mum'd already tried collecting, and they said they needed my ic too, so my mum told me to collect. then the lady was so nice, she made an exception, cos i like, explained my situation. so lucky ah. then she was like, just bear it in mind in future. and i was like ok, sure, thank you so much. i think she saw that i was like, half-dead already. haha. so then, FINALLY i got the much coveted tickets. tucking them safely away in my file, i proceeded home. not that it was over. i couldnt find another bus stop, so i went back to the one i alighted at, cos it was a loop, thank god. then the bus dropped me off in the middle of a buspark opposite kallan mrt thank goodness. then i take it to ct hall, then buy macs and take a bus home. and here i am. omg.

That was a totally unlucky day for me, don't you think? what did i do to deserve it? haiz. haha. ok. thats about it then. im going to the airshow tmr, will see if i can get some pro pics. haha. k chillz! ciao~

School...

2010-01-22T18:52:00.002+08:00

IT'S been 11 days since i last posted. so sian. so depressed. school gonna start soon. not looking forward to it. to a new environment, more adversity, more difficulties. yeah sorry the eternal pessimist has returned. school has that effect. i dunno how often i'll get to see my old friends, or meet up with them again. it's a whirlwind. everything encircles my mind. my mind encircles my conflicts, my worries, my apprehension. my heart, mind and soul whisper insidiously to me, birthing unpleasant images within my head, revolting realities, difficult truths. i am confused. i am deafened. their whispers transfigure themselves to insufferable ululation and screeching. their cold voices cut through my very being, bringing upon me a silent quietus. then, all is quiet. i hear nothing. it is over.

Veritas...

2010-01-11T20:04:00.002+08:00

SO my results are in. u dun need to know the details. just knw i got 5A1s and 5A2s. dun ask me anymore about it. cheers.!~

Dies irae, dies illa...

2010-01-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

THE day of Judgment. tomorrow. i still can't believe it's finally here. after awaiting and anticipating it for the past 2 months, so it looms now on my horizon, ominous and portentous, haunting me in my peaceful slumber. haha. i make it sound so dramatic. ok well, yes i am terrified. i wont refute that. the outcome of this examination is most likely to determine my future, my career, my life etc. yes, i do find it a little harrowing that this exam will determine a person's future, and at such a young age. when youth should not be taxed thus, it is instead being impelled to make a possibly life-affecting decision. frankly, i don't really comprehend the mechanics of our education system here, although i must concede, i stopped attempting to a while ago. perhaps more learned, sagacious souls have pondered over it, and come up with the fantastic system we have in place currently. of course, it is without question that we have one of the most sterling education systems. but i have divagated.

Yes, back to the utterly cheerful subject of my impending doom (forgive the cliche) tomorrow. i am truly waiting with bated breath, and i will be very much astounded if i do not have a nervous breakdown tomorrow, while awaiting my results. it has been very, very stressful these past 2 months. and to tally, i have had 4 dreams/nightmares about tomorrow in the past 2 months, while awaiting my results. i must admit, it has been very tense. i really cannot even begin to envision what the atmosphere will be like tomorrow. well, undoubtedly it will be tense, anxious et al. but i really do wonder as to my state of mind tomorrow. i'm quite glad i've managed to hold the panic attacks off well enough; i was definitely not this sanguine on the eve of my first paper last year. perhaps i'm improving at this sangfroid thing. i suppose it will stand me in good stead in the future.

Oh, and there's another uncertainty. the future is a shifting thing, constantly in motion. and i have never really had such an affinity for change. being the obdurate taurean i am, i am highly resistant to change, and i cherish constancy. sadly however, as we are all aware of, change is the only constant in this world. oh paradoxes. i love them. i still remember arguing with my teacher abt them in literature class 2 years ago. haha. oh such memories. nostalgia. lol. i feel so old, reminiscing about my times in school. it was only the past 4 years. ah well. i figure i'd better go and get some shut-eye now. i'll require every ounce of energy and willpower, and strength to brave tomorrow, hopefully without trauma. so cheers. night! best of luck to everyone!~

CNY Pineapple Tarts...

2010-01-04T15:35:00.003+08:00

OK so its not exactly CNY yet, but im practising for it. XD. here are some tarts i baked today, pineapple tarts, usually how its found during CNY. decided to try something new instead of my usual open face tart. have fun salivating! :P

I don't need more friends...

2010-01-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

IN response to everyone who keeps bugging me to get a facebook, or has done so in the past, i have this article to inform you exactly why i do not want a facebook. this article was written by sumiko tan in the straits times and i do not own any part of it, all credit goes to her and to the straits times. sumiko tan is personally my favourite columnist, and i found myself empathising with her article. here it is, in its entirety. please read it all the way, even if its a little lengthy. thanks. you can skip the more mundane parts, but make sure u read the really vital ones. thanks.

I don't need more friends

by Sumiko Tan

Never say never because you don't know what the future will bring and you don't want your words to come back and haunt you.

But I'm going to say this anyway: I'm not on Facebook and I never ever will be.

Two hundred million people around the world have signed on to this 'social networking' website where friends can hook up with one another.

They can post messages and the goings-on in their lives for their friends to see, upload photos of themselves, send virtual gifts and take part in quizzes.

All around me, friends, colleagues and relatives have hooked up, even those who had vowed not to do so.

They love how Facebook allows them to keep in touch with current friends and reconnect with old ones.

'With my closer friends, I always have a window into what's going on with their lives, even if it's just a one-line update that they are stuck in Bangkok,' says a colleague.

'Sometimes, there'll be something they saw or read and got excited about that you will want to comment on and vice versa. For that brief moment, you guys are back in touch and exchanging views and gossip without having to arrange to meet up for two hours over coffee.'

A friend notes how Facebook allows people who are shy socially to be better understood. It was through the site that she found out a friend had a miscarriage and how another coped with her depression.

It also helped her get over the death of her dog last year. She posted a photo album in memory of him and was comforted by the comments left for her.

Other fans cite how Facebook can be used to network and for parents to keep track of what their children are up to.

So, if Facebook is god's gift to friendship and social harmony and 200 million people are having a ball cementing friendships in cyberspace, what's wrong with me? Why am I resisting? Five reasons:

I have enough friends already, thanks.

I value my private space.

I don't want to feed my voyeuristic instincts.

The posturing one sometimes sees in Facebook makes me cringe.

My time can be put to better use.

First off, 'friends' on Facebook aren't necessarily friends as we know the word but people who have agreed to allow each other to have access to their sites.

It's impossible for anyone to have hundreds of 'friends' in real life but in Facebook, it's not uncommon.

Almost anyone can be your friend. Just click and say 'yes'. And so they come knocking: primary school friends, secondary school friends, junior college mates, university acquaintances, work friends, ex-cubicle colleagues, army mates of ex-boyfriends and so on.

A colleague found himself with 62 friends after just two weeks on Facebook. He said 'yes' because 'I guess that was the only polite thing to do and it also felt good to have 60-plus friends without trying'.

Leaving aside how the notion of friendship is being devalued, I don't think I can cope with the idea of my social circle growing at such an exponential rate.

Maybe I'm small-minded and small-hearted, but I'd rather keep my group of friends as it is - small and select.

True friendships require maintenance and already it's hard work sustaining those I have in real life.

Do I want to expose myself such that 'friendship' is expected of me from former classmates I no longer desire to be in contact with, colleagues I don't wish to know better, work contacts I have zero inclination to convert to friends, and acquaintances who should remain just that?

The beauty about real-life friendships is that they can die. As we move along in life, some friendships fade, others expire and there will be those you deliberately erase. People change, you change, it's sad we're no longer friends but it's nothing personal.

How exhausting, then, to have all manner of friendships resurrected and indefinitely too. Of course, you can decline to 'accept' a friend on Facebook but it will be churlish. You can also 'delete' a 'friend' from your site but people rarely dare do so for fear of offending the person.

That's another reason I'm anti-Facebook - I don't want to waste emotional energy angsting over whether I'll upset people who don't even matter to me in the first place. The pettiness involved smacks of primary-school politics.

There's also the issue of privacy and private space - mine and that of 'friends'. It's one thing to share my thoughts and photos with my 'real' friends on Facebook, but the site also allows Facebook-level friends access to them.

It boggles my mind how people have no qualms uploading their photos on the site. Don't they realise how the pictures are so easily accessible, shared and even abused? And once they are shared, forget about deleting them ever.

That photo of you drunk and puking in Zouk which you - or a 'friend' - posted? It's going to haunt you when you're a 40-year-old mum.

The other day, a colleague and I got to talking about a friend of a friend. I wondered what that person looked like and, hey presto, a photo of her landed in my e-mail. It had been retrieved from his Facebook. No harm was done and I appreciated the photo, but I wonder if she would too if she had known.

The other thing I dislike about Facebook is how it feeds the voyeur in me.

In the name of research, I borrowed a password to enter the site and found myself delving into the lives of people I knew and hardly knew. I'm ashamed to admit it, but a lot of ungenerous thoughts surfaced while I was checking out their albums.

Hmm, is that how her husband looks? Not quite the Prince Charming I'd imagined. Gosh, what an ugly jacket she's wearing. Why is he posting those ridiculous photos of himself? What's with the gallery of happy-family photos? What's she trying to say and prove?

I didn't like the conversation going on in my head and was glad to log off.

The thing about Facebook is that there is a certain amount of posturing going on. People are making a public statement about themselves after all, from the profile photo they decide on (who uses a passport picture?) to the comments they post.

It's amazing the amount of effort some put in to depict how successful, smart, happy, trendy, popular and well-travelled they are. I find this pretentious and off-putting.

Which leads me to my final point - life's too short to be stuck in front of the computer for more than it's necessary.

Already, I spend more than 60 hours each week staring at the computer screen either at work or at home. That's more than 35 per cent of my life.

Having Facebook will mean more hours. Don't I have better things to do, like going for a run or picking up bowling or gardening or knitting or whatever?

To each his own, of course, and clearly Facebook is a godsend for millions of people. It builds friendships, alleviates loneliness and even gives meaning to one's life.

It's just not for me.

New Year's Eve

2009-12-31T23:04:00.002+08:00

HEY PPL. THIS IS GONNA BE MY LAST POST FOR THIS YEAR. SRY FR E CAPS, IM USING MY PHONE, THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. ANYWAY, JUST WANTED TO WISH EVRYONE A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY ALL UR WISHES AND RESOLUTIONS MATERIALISE IN ITS ENTIRETY! THANK U GUYS SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING, AND HAVE ALL THE FUN IN UR LIVES. CHEERS!

Chocolate Chip Cookies (Tollhouse Cookies)...

2009-12-30T17:03:00.004+08:00

SO i decided to bake a batch of choc chip cookies today to relieve the excessive ennui. i wanted to do something simple yet classic. so i decided to try the supposedly original recipe for it. and here are the pictures! they look a bit insipid, but theyre quite palatable, to me at least.

My Sun in a World of Darkness...

2009-12-27T22:16:00.002+08:00

I dedicate this to you, my star. for a while now, i was convinced that all this world had for me was cruelty, pain, suffering. i was selfish, parochial and insular. i just didn't open my eyes wide enough, or my mind, or my heart, to see the wonders that had surrounded me for so long. for the gift of friends, given unto me by God. and i thank God, for gifting me with a bright and luminous star to guide my way now, slowly but surely, of the chasm and abyss. from that deepest level of Hell, so described by Dante in Inferno, La Divina Commedia, inhabited by Lucifer himself. but i divagate.

My own Sun, my brilliant star, i hope and pray that you will always be with me, and even if the universe as we know it were to end, i know your light will continue shining into the darkest spaces of my heart. for teaching me to love again, to see this world as it truly is, for showing me life as it can be, there can be no remuneration or repayment for that. therefore, love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. forgive the quote, but i felt it requisite. and for that, i love you the more. you shone your light just in time to wake me from falling into a bottomless pit, a veritable black hole in the iciest, deepest and darkest reaches of space. your gravity holds me in the celestial dance, and i don't feel like i'm falling anymore.

With each step we take, i grow less diffident of the winding path before me, because i know i will not traverse it in solitude, but with your empyreal radiance which reinvigorates me, and shields me. and i pray too, that i may do the same. and that this happiness, bliss, felicity will remain ours.

DISCLAIMER: NO ONE IS TO ASK ME WHAT THIS POST MEANS. IT'S OPEN TO YOUR INTERPRETATION, BECAUSE I WILL SIMPLY REFUSE TO ANSWER. CHEERS!

Australia...

2009-12-22T23:10:00.003+08:00

SO i was down under from 12-16 dec for the annual family holiday. i must be frank from the out; i was not keen on this trip for a variety of reasons which i have no intention of uttering. anyway, we were to go to melbourne and sydney. the only thing i remember doing in melbourne is driving on the Great Ocean Road to go see the 12 Apostles. it was a whole day kinda thing. of course the views from on the great ocean road were simply breathtaking and transcendent of this earth at times. seeing the 12 apostles was a little surreal for me, i didnt think i'd see them so soon. anyway, i think the 12 apostles have ever since been whittled down to 10 or 11. i cant rmbr. inconsequential. haha. and i went on a shopping spree at the direct factory outlets. wheee!

Ok sry. moving on to sydney. i loved sydney much more. btw, to get to sydney from melbourne we took a train ride. 12 fricking hours. "oh it'll be fun, you know, take the scenic route" yeah sure. 12 hours that drove me insane. god i'd never been so glad to step out of a freaking train. thank god we went first class. so i got to sydney on friday night, and over there, friday and saturday nights are apparently party nights for the denizens of sydney. and my hotel was in a very...interesting shall we say, district. lets just say that the moment i walked out of the hotel to explore my environs, all i saw was wild revelry and pomp. thats a very nice way of putting it. it was scary at first, and a bit overwhelming for this conservative, Asian-born boy (those of you coughing and choking, shut up =p) . after that, it was just a matter of getting used to. sydney was much more fascinating. more urban. guess thats what i am. an urban boy. anyway. we went to paddington's markets, which sells all sorts of stuff, and its only open on saturdays in this sch compound, so that was cool. then went to go check out the sydney harbour bridge, one of their national icons. did the bridgeclimb, where u actly walk on the arch of the bridge. FREAKING cool. i absolutely recommend it to everyone. then of course did the touristy thing at the opera house. went for a day trip to the blue mountains. the landscape there was simply otherworldly. i was just gawking at the scenery sometimes. and i got to sit on the edge of a sheer drop with my legs dangling over the precipice. BEST! haha. that day trip was my fave part of the whole trip with the bridgeclimb coming in next. lol. and of cos the usual seafood dinner by darling harbour. amazing.

So all in all, it was a successful trip, but i wont be going back ther again. nt much else. so yeah thats abt it for my holiday. so what'd you all do? ~

One Chance...

2009-12-20T14:52:00.001+08:00

So let's give this one more chance. Cheers.

On Relationships and Tarts...

2009-11-30T21:22:00.003+08:00

AS cheesy as this entry's title sounds, or however similar it may be to the title of a certain novel, just ignore it. i knw, the tarts are completely non sequitur, but i didnt want to put it into a separate entry. so anyway, firstly, relationships.

I think i can finally confirmed that i have officially lost all faith in relationships. maybe there used to be a shadow or flicker of faith, but i know all that has been completely defenestrated. it's for the better i suppose. i'm not gonna believe in anymore fairytale endings, or happy ever afters, cos looking at things now, all thats just a pile of rotting crap. sry if anyone feels insulted, but yeah thats my opinion, which i am entitled to. but i digress. i rly dun think i can ever summon the courage anymore to have a relationship. besides, its so troublesome. im rly not willing to give out my heart so keenly again. i dun rly think its that bad, growing old alone. having ur own life. i mean, i could focus on my career, amass wealth (hopefully), donate to charities, take care of my parents etc. have a few close friends. honestly, i dun see myself missing out on much. stay in a small, cosy, studio apt if my parents dun want me with them. haha. go to work, come back, cook dinner. watch tv, play games, do work, sleep, have breakfast, repeat. hmph. and the household chores. etc. lol. im already imagining my future.

Sure, ppl will argue u ought to have someone to be ur companion to grow old with, ur other half. but hey, then u'd have to worry abt ur partner, and there'll be all the emotional upheaval and god knws wat other crap. sry, but i dun think i wanna subject myself to all that. ok, so i wont have children. big deal. i just hv to explain to my parents. XD. i guess, its been happening over the last few years, and i just wondered when i'd finally admit it. as a wise sith lord once said, ''it is a terrible thing to fall, but far more terrible, is to admit it''. oh such sagacity. i pledge myself to your teachings, darth kreia. lol. yeah, sure i might be taking all this with a cavalier attitude, but i assure u, i mean every word i say, and this isnt some random teenager's angsty rant or something. basically, im just far too afraid of getting hurt again. so call me coward, or whatever u want, but hey, its. my. life. period. so if i say anymore, im just gonna end up repeating points, which we all knw is terrible, terrible writing. haha.

So, without further ado, i bid thee adieu. oh poetry. la lingua amor. btw, heres a pic of pineapple tarts i just baked today cos i was craving them. lovely. (btw, im open for orders for christmas, new years, CNY etc. leave a msg if u want). cyaz ~

Spring Onion Pancake - 葱油饼...

2009-11-25T20:55:00.002+08:00

I decided to try my hand at this traditional ( I think) Chinese snack, cos i wanted a light dinner tonight, nothing too heavy. it's turned out quite beautifully, and tastes quite nice. haha. thank heavens. here, take a look.

2009-11-23T12:57:00.003+08:00

credits for the pic:http://www.photographyserved.com/Gallery/

Stuff...

2009-11-23T12:40:00.002+08:00

SO yeah, the holidays have begun, and i'm already getting bored. i just cleared out my room today, of all the secondary sch stuff. a bit nostalgic, as i reminisce about the past 4 years of my life, the best 4 years ever. im sad it has to end. but nvm that. at least my study is much more organised now. so well, ther hasnt been much gg on rly. im rly radiating ennui everyday. nyayi and uncle ijal have gone back. it was a fun and dynamic 2 weeks with them. last week went to zh's house for a sleepover. fun enough. haha. had grad night on 2oth. its barely been a week since o levels ended, but it feels like an eternity. sigh. thers just so much time to think about so many things, now that im not preoccupied with mugging. oh yeah, i keep thinking that i should mug, but then i rmbr o lvls are over. its a bit freaky actly. i feel kinda bad that im not mugging. i thot of getting a headstart for the syllabus in JC, esp for science and all that. we'll see. i rly need to occupy my time meaningfully. anyway. grad night was nice i guess. sorry for the random jumping topics. thats the condition my mind is in currently; disoriented and scattered. but anw. grad night. right. well the food exceeded expectations, though i must concede my expectations hadn't been that high. the entertainment was nice. it was so sobering watching so many different ppl perform on stage. perform marvellously. and switching multiple instruments. and here i am, with a G4 violin, and G4 piano (the violin i cant even remember how to play, and not owning one that i can play), i was perpetually gazing in awe. very humbling. haha. of cos the usual games were...amusing.. i suppose, and there were the usual honours given out. speeches. etc etc. honestly though, i had much more fun aft grad night. some pics. they wanted to go up to the cemetery (at 1030pm) but i refused pointblank. LOL. call me coward whatever. mt pleasant cemetery is very keras, and well known for being populated with pontianaks. ok nvm. haha. well i hv nothing to do today. i wanna get started on my baking this week. got some orders to fill out. and of cos thers raya this week. looking forward to that? i think. i have my reservations, for some reason. well thats it for now. ~

OVER...

2009-11-13T23:17:00.002+08:00

OH for God's blessed name, finally my 4 years of torment are over! i cant believe it. honestly, 4 years have just breezed by. i barely noticed it, cos i was having so much fun. but i wont go into that again, ive done enough reminiscing in my previous posts. so how were the o levels? well, basically, its a fact ppl, the o levels are easy. really. not being arrogant, or overconfident, but its a fact. im just a bit jittery abt the humanities, cos as usual, cambridge kills singapore with humanities. but then again, singaporeans' humanities suck so bad. thank goodness. maths and sciences were easy. just some VERY careless and unforgivable mistakes. but nothing should be too bad, hopefully. and even for today's chem MCQ paper, i got full marks. so satisfied. anyway, so didnt do much today, cos we were all so tired for some unknown reason. so we just went to orchard, ate some light bfast, then walked ard, went for friday prayers, then went for lunch. we treated ash for his bday today, although its like, next week. but yeah, we wanted to go seoul garden, but of cos it was so goddamned packed. 1 hour waiting list. go and die lah. ppl all dying of starvation liao. so i brought us to lucky plaza (ew, i knw) where we had ayam bakar ojolali. which everyone said was nice. yay. haha. so yeah then we walked ard more. i swear i walked the whole orchard belt like 3 times today. my legs are disintegrating, and my back about to snap. but todays friday the thirteenth rly very suay. saw some ppl we did NOT want to see at orchard. EWWWW. whatever. haha. then raining like what liddat. well i finally got home at 10pm. goodness. i cant believe its over...im FREE! well, ciaoz.~

My fault...

2009-10-16T00:07:00.001+08:00

I finally realised it. It was my fault, after all. it took me 32 months, but i finally realised it was because of me. i get it. i'm so sorry.

Illusions...

2009-10-13T22:58:00.003+08:00

I think it's time to forever abandon some illusions that i had in the past. time for me to realise that some things will never be, and that other things will remain as they are. as much as i try to change them, they will remain as they are. no matter how much i pray for some things to happen, god doesn't seem to want to work miracles for me. i understand. who am i for him to work miracles for? being a sinner doesn't exactly allow u to qualify for god's privileges. lol. what a ludicrous analogy. just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu. what a hilarious, yet succinct way of putting some things in perspective. don't ask me what. you know, i think that as humans, we have to realise and accept that what we want may not always be given to us, especially that which we crave the most. i mean, god has given me everything i could possibly want. i wanted 6 points for prelims, he granted that wish. i wanted a happy family, and a great home. he granted me it. whatever i've asked for, god has always granted it. all except a few things which i want, very, very much. they involve some things ending. and being taken away from me. i can't blame god; not when he has given me almost everything i could possibly want in this life. so for that, i thank god. and i pray to be able to go on with life, this year, as best as i can. to take everything in my stride. to work hard, and work smart, and do the best i can for the o's which are in exactly 2 weeks. it'll be over in exactly one month. from what it's worth from a sinner, o lord this i ask in your most caring and loving name. amin.

S4 Farewell and Paraliturgy 2009...

2009-10-02T22:41:00.002+08:00

TODAY'S paraliturgy was truly a moving affair. pulled at my heartstrings to see my form teachers crying. this post is dedicated to them. Mrs Tan CP, and Ms Mara. Thank you so much for all you've both done for us, as a class, and individually, these past 2 years. these 2 years have been nothing short of extraordinary, and similarly, it is an honour to have been taught by you. i will never forget the past 2 years in S3 and S4, because it was because of you that the memories are eternal and everlasting. i pray in God's name, that you will always have the passion and zeal to continue your vocation, because it is what you do best. keep on passing on the passion. i hope God blesses your endeavours, and you too, in the future, now and always. Words really cannot express my gratitude to you both. For everything you've done for me, for us.

Next, to my class of 433'09. the past 2 years have been a rollercoaster ride, and we're the best sec 4 class ever, indubitably. tdp english. thank you for being my classmates for the past 2 years, and i've learnt many things from u guys, and i hope our friendships persevere through the future. i have gained some truly amazing friends in 433, and made some unforgivable enemies. u guys have made being in SJI upper sec a beautiful journey, from start to end. and i say now, not farewell, but best of luck to all your future endeavours, and may God always bless u. and i pray the fraternal bonds we have forged will remain, through trial, by fire...and strife.

Lastly (sorry for the immature paragraph startings, Ms Chia), to my best friends. (in no particular order of merit, u twats), michael, linus, zh, ash and brian. i found you guys in the past 2 years. i hope and pray i will never lose you guys. thank you for all that you've done for me. honestly, i dunno wher i'd be now if it weren't for u guys. u guys have made my life that much brighter, and i admit that that is no mean feat. u guys made me know what it felt like to be happy again, to find my sun in a world of darkness. u guys have been there for me no matter what. no matter how bitchy, how arrogant, how twatty, how annoying i was, you stood by me. yet again (im using this so often, sry for not paraphrasing), mortal words fail to express my absolute gratitude, jubilance, hope and love you guys have inspired within me. you gave to my life, meaning, and purpose. it was for you guys that i could find the strength to get up every morning. sry if it sounds so dramatic, but this comes from the bottom of my heart. i wish that i can always be there for u guys, in one way or another, even if not physically. i'm sorry for all that i've done wrong, for what i didn't do as a friend, and i'm sorry for not being the best of friends at times. i'm sorry for all my inadequacies and my sins, faults and failures as a friend. i hope you can forgive me. i pray always that we remain friends, and that God blesses and blesses your lives, touches your hearts and guides you through whatever you do. let God teach you how to love. and always love.

Aaaaand, as a bonus, one more paragraph. to all the swine who tried their best to make my life in SJI hell, whether it was a (Chief) bitchy teacher, or several motherfu*king students, i have a few things to say. most importantly, thank you. thank you for making my blood pressure rise, and my arteries almost burst. thank you, because what doesn't kill you, only makes me stronger. so thank you for making me stronger. next, just some words of wisdom. try not to go through life so bitter. i really pity you. you're pathetic. sadly so. try, try for some soulsearching. i pray it works. God help you.

And that brings us to the end, almost. just a bit more. SJI taught me many things. most importantly however, it taught me how to love. i'm sorry for making life so difficult, i never meant to. all i wanted was to show some concern, and be a friend. i'm sorry it didn't work out. truly. i will always remember it. and i will always cry for it. but thank you. God loves you, and i pray you find what you are looking for, and true happiness.

So to everything, and everyone who has come into my life these past 4 years in SJI, a big THANK YOU. i can't say how much you mean to me, for those footprints you've left on my heart.

Love...

2009-09-20T22:53:00.003+08:00

LOVE is such a sublime yet powerful thing in this world. we all know the extent of love's capabilities is endless, infinite. love can cause wars, or end them. love can create life...or end it. thus we see the omnipotence of love itself. what i want to question today is a relatively simple matter: can love be unholy? even if its against conventions, against everything, if everyone in the world were against that love. discourse time. haha.

Most importantly, i must establish my own viewpoint on this matter. i will forever believe that ALL love is beautiful. i believe there is no such thing as a forbidden or wrong love. and if u love someone, and u find that ppl are against it, then i wld ask u to keep loving that person no matter what. love transcends all. omnia vincit amor. la veritatis. honestly. love is the most powerful emotion any human can feel and should feel. not hatred, not anger, but love. i think there is no such thing as wrong, unholy, unconventional love et al. because i believe, i know that all love is sacred. all love is pure. and i cannot believe that God would ever condemn a human for loving. EVER. i think God definitely condemns hate. but never love. God taught us to love. and that is why i dun believe that ther can be such a thing as wrong love. why should love ever be wrong?

Is it wrong to care for someone? i don't think so. caring for a person shows how human u are, and it just shows how mature u are, i feel, in accepting that all kinds of love exist in this world, and embracing that possibility. rather than being insular or religious (or whatever crappy excuse u can come up with), just try and open ur eyes a little bit more. no, dun be daft. this isnt aimed at anyone in particular. its just my opinion. and if it sounds like u, then yes im talking to u. in fact, im still talking to everyone about this. it would a much better world if there was more love. i just had to write an essay on my ideal world and why it is so. and one of the things in my perfect world would be that everyone loved, and only loved. sigh. so quixotic, so impossible. why?

We must really reflect. what is our world coming to? what happened to humanity, and to love? i fear that we have fallen too far from our true selves, our basic and intrinsic nature, our innate humanity. we have given it up for God only knows what. it has become so difficult for us to love. its very scary. and its really no use lying to yourself. its gonna be a big problem. think about it.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!...

2009-09-20T22:43:00.002+08:00

SELAMAT hari raya bagi tahun 1430 H bersamaan dgn tahun 2009 kepada semua umat islam yang mengunjungi blog yang sangat masyhur ini! mohon maaf zahir dan batin, dan ampun maaf dipinta bagi segala kesalahan dan diharap sengketa-sengketa akan diampunkan! haha. so yeah. it felt so good to be celebrating raya today. i felt so alive. due to a number of specific reasons. yes im very high. the raya atmosphere hasnt deserted me. ill be gg visiting again tmr. cant wait for that. back to sch on tue though. grr. but today just went to my gran's hse as usual, thats like HQ for the first day. stuffed myself. sigh. all my workouts during fasting month negated in 1 day. i cannot eat too much tmr. honestly. haha. pictures will be up as soon as i can get the pics from the cam. stupid dslr doesnt have a usb cable and my com cant read SDHC cards. typical. so yeah.

Anyway, yesterday was my graduation. it was an extremely heart-wrenching affair. for many reasons. i will not attempt to expound for it will be extremely maudlin and excessive. i dun believe in much self-indulgence. :p so yeah. so thats abt it for now. im so beat. honestly. so catch y'all later!

Fasting...

2009-09-13T16:35:00.002+08:00

I am being held at knifepoint by Ironman to blog. dun blame me. anyway. todays the 22nd day of fasting. its been quite fast actually, but still, very taxing for me. dunno why. i mean, im kinda sad that its over for this year, but i still say i miss being able to eat whenever and wherever i want to. haha. especially when i go out. haiz. honestly. im rather glad its ending. so this past week has been the september hols. havent done any studying at all. >.< screwed. haha. just went out with my friends a lot. finished up OMF's maths hw. thats all. oh yeah, and i went for the Dead Sea Scrolls Exhibition. pictures will be up soon. im too lazy. hopefully. haha.

i started baking kueh raya yesterday. so penat. honestly. its so taxing. just finished the pineapple tart batch today. hopefully tomorrow i can start on the kueh makmur. then after that the biskut coklat berinti. and this week is such a busy week in school. i really dunno how im gonna survive this week. ill just be so zoned out in school. haha. what a sight to behold. and who still has mock exams? CRAP. stupid ideas. hmph. anyway, on a happier note, SJI is one of the 2 schools this year to be awarded the School Excellence Award (SEA), the highest award offered by MOE to any educational institution in recognition of their outstanding pedagogy and environment, among other things. so well done ppl! haha. i really just cant wait for this week to end. then its graduation on saturday. after that ill be so busy for raya. omg. i bought this new pair of gladiator sandals from Zara. they're GORGEOUS! haha. for hari raya.

sigh. todays the last day of the holidays. im so tempted to pon half this week of school. STRESS. o's in 43 days!!! argh. and i havent even started studying. so sian. well ther isnt much left to say. oh yeah, in case i dun blog in a while, selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin, minal aidin wal fa'izin kepada semua pengunjung-pengunjung blog saya dan saya mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih atas segala sokongan kamu selama-lama ini! Salam aidilfitri!

Chinese Gardens...

2009-09-03T22:18:00.004+08:00

SO school resumed yesterday. what an utterly boring day. like today was much of a difference. except for the fact that CNA filmed us during PE and Bio. it was so cool. i love being the media. nah, joking. haha. honestly. we were suppose to fin pe early, but because my frens and i werent with the class, we came in late, and the class was already changed, and deputy principal was alr ther. i was like SHIT. haha. i rushed to the toilet and changed. and rushed back. tried to wipe the perspiration off as effectively as i could. haha. i tried to act naturally. and look scholarly. HAHA. what a joke. anyway, it airs tmr on CNA. looking forward to that. anyway, after school today. we decided to go to chinese gardens after hanging around in school. it was a spontaneous thing. it was alr quite late. but somehow we made it there. the journey alone was like, an eternity. i am never again gg so far on public transport to such an ulu place with my heavy schoolbag. haha. once we got there, and on the way there, we made a fool of ourselves as usual. we ttly let loose at chinese gardens though. chasing each other on top of a 7-storey pagoda (the risk of falling off the balcony was extremely high), screaming at the top of our voices at said pagoda, and many other, um, lawless things. HAHA. basically, we just let loose like lunatics. expurgate the stress from the previous weeks. aaaaaand of cos, pics!

its the zodiac garden...our zodiac - rooster

on top of the pagoda

same...

same...with better lighting

the picturesque view

again...

yet again...

goodness...

Eclairs...

2009-09-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

ON a more recent note, our class' teacher's day party was held on monday, and i had volunteered (sabo-ed isaac) to bake dessert. i was, naturally, unduly stressed to produce a sterling dessert. sigh. so i decided to go with the french safety eclairs. so went hunting for ingredients and teachers day gifts on friday when prelims ended. spent the weekend cracking my head making sure everything was perfect. and here is the outcome. it still wasnt frozen yet, which is why the choc looks molten. >.<

salivate...

Orchard Central...

2009-09-03T22:08:00.003+08:00

So after school on one of those days, we went to orchard central, and snuck our way up to the roof. it was strictly no entry except for authorised personnel. which we clearly weren't. haha. it was so much fun. the view from the rooftop garden is fabulous. i just had to post it. here.

Events...

2009-09-03T21:51:00.005+08:00

OK so there have been a few events which i have neglected to expound on, thanks mainly to my prelims. so its a completely valid excuse. first up on the list: me being sick like a dog. it was ages ago. cant remember when. heres the pic with me in solitary confinement. it was before i shaved. look at my beautiful locks.

Ok, up next is the Ceramah Arif Budiman (a malay language and cultural seminar). informative and illuminating. and the speaker made it sufferable. thankfully. i was worried how i was gg to understand a few hours' worth of malay. pics.

Following that, is the Leonardo da Vinci exhibition at the science centre, which was a highly edifying and captivating exhibition. honestly. i loved it. pure testament to the renaissance man's ingenuity.

K, thats abt it for now for events.

End of Prelims...

2009-08-28T22:50:00.003+08:00

WELL thats that. its finally over. the horror. it wasnt that bad, actually. except the amaths paper 2. and i might hv gotten a few more phy qns wrong today. i hope i can get at least 30/40 for todays paper. whatever. anyway, stayed back aft that to settle the teacher's day party next monday. then left to go vivo. went to watch the proposal. highly recommended. must watch. really. then went shopping for teacher's day gifts. then shopped for my stuff, since im baking for the party. im screwed. haha. expectations...anyway. yeah thats abt it. then came home. then went out for buka puasa and to celebrate papa's bday. went to orchard to get some stuff. got back at 9.30. im so tired. thats abt it.

End of Prelims...almost...

2009-08-27T16:37:00.002+08:00

HOLD on...must hold on. today was the penultimate day of the prelims. sigh. i must say the papers have been terrifyingly easy. with the exception of today's amaths paper 2. which was a complete FIASCO. honestly. ill be lucky if i pass that paper. on the other hand, bio completely made up for it. so far, im confident ive only lost 1 mark for the MCQ. sigh. tmr is physics MCQ.i rly cant be bothered to study. im in a holiday mood liao. honestly. aft tmr's paper, if theyre staying back for teacher's day planning, then ill stay till i have to. but after that, its chaos and havoc and bedlam and every other synonym. and i dun have to worry abt results for quite a while. so yeah. now to focus on o levels. great. anyway, gonna go enjoy my holiday mood now.

Prelims...

2009-08-19T16:07:00.002+08:00

SO i just went through my SS paper without my S4 textbook, and yes, i did a S4 topic for my essay. im so pro, its amazing. we shall see what dismal mark i receive. muahaha. had english 1 and 2 on monday. quite a disaster. sadly. think i wrote totally out-of-point for my essay. and i didnt do my situational too well. sigh. paper 2 was ok, i hope. i shdnt hv to worry abt english at all, yet it was not a good start to the prelims. yesterday was SS (yay) and emaths 1. the ss SBQ was surprisingly easy. the essays were challenging. emaths was very, very doable. the only mistakes ill be making are careless ones. today was chem first. for once, the paper went extremely well. then again, chem papers always go well. but anyway. everyone said it was easy too. hmm. that'll raise the standards. i rly hv to make sure i own if i can. then had geog elective. it wasnt that bad. but it was very indirect. meaning application.not much regurgitation. hmph. i completely crapped up a full LORMS qn on agribusinesses. a-may-zeeng. HYVs wasnt very well done though, for 6 marks. although i checked i got all the points. wrote 7 pages in all. not that good. nvm. u knw the first qn in the chem essay qn was about fullerene (Buckyballs). incidentally, i was just researching about Buckyballs 1 or 2 days ago. imagine my delight. mrs tan is so predictable. haha. anyway, tmr is HML. i am highly motivated to get an A1 or at least, A2. though i hv no idea how thats gonna happen. but i shall try my utmost best nonetheless. i want a distinction for a higher language. and i need to practise amaths. i havent studied lit! screwed. puasa starts this saturday. i still hv very xiong papers next week. i shall try and update as i crawl along. dun expect much. i shdnt even be blogging. sigh. ok. thats all for now.

OH YEAH. I FORGOT. linus asked me to take (yet) another quiz on facebook: which twilight character are u? guess who? Edward. what a blooming joke. haha. go figure...

SS textbook...

2009-08-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

I think i lost my S4 SS textbook. i m so screwed. i rly cant find it.

Romantic...

2009-08-01T00:06:00.003+08:00

YOU know, ive found something thats constant through any personality test i take; that im a hopeless romantic, who'll do anything and everything for the sake of love. and its true, i guess. if only it were useful. hmph.

To love because i think its my other half, that completes me, that makes up for what i lack? maybe. theres a lot i lack. go figure.

Hair For Hope (HfH)...

2009-07-27T18:10:00.003+08:00

OK so today was the day we've all been looking forward to. HAIR FOR HOPE! yes, its a charity event where members of the public shave their heads to be in solidarity with children suffering from cancer et al. so here are my mugshots. the horror. i actually shaved off my gorgeous bangs. its so airy and cool, its rather odd. thank god i dun look too weird. lol.

Registration

In happier times... LOL

BEFORE

AFTER

Personality Quiz...

2009-07-26T22:25:00.002+08:00

LINUS asked me to take this personality quiz to compare. i love it when they're so accurate. haha. some points are laughable. guess which. XD

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

My Dream...

2009-07-20T12:35:00.004+08:00

THIS is my dream, from now till the end.

Taurus + Scorpio for eternity...bound by Cupid's blessings...and bear the fruit of its labour

So help me, God.

What do you know...

2009-07-12T20:58:00.002+08:00

You hear their whispers, their voices
I know what they say, but you think you know better
You were afraid, of what might have happened
If it were true

So you did the only thing you thought was right
And shut yourself off, from me, from all i ever wanted
Your heart turned cold at my sight, believing the whispered voices
You left me to face this endless night, alone, crying myself to bed

So tell me now
How did you ever feel?
Or was it a lie?
What do you know?

That's it...

2009-07-12T19:57:00.004+08:00

THAT'S it. its over. 4 years are over. im officially not a NCC cadet anymore. it is sad, but yeah. i was so emo yesterday, both before and after and during AP. sigh. but anyway, i enjoyed it, the last time. and here are some pics. nt many.

friends (notice my slippers LOL)

shot with Land and Air NCOs

more shots

yet another...

Air Leaders

another Air Leaders shot

Anniversary Parade 2009...

2009-07-11T10:33:00.002+08:00

THIS is it. today's the day. today is the 157th AP. which means that i'll be officially stepping down from NCC today. i have to say, im surprised. all i feel is sadness. despite me hating NCC last time, i can't bear to leave it now. honestly. u may be thinking, "yeah right. (and i know why he suddenly likes NCC - cubone)" . but i dun think so. i honestly have grown to love it as my CCA, and i am, and always will be, proud to be a cadet of the corps. NCC has been a part (a major part) of my life for the past 4 years in SJI, and has defined me and made me who i am today (in more ways than one, i suppose). and to leave behind a part of me, such a significant part, is painful. although i definitely do not see myself coming back as a CLT in JC, i no doubt will say i love NCC. as such, i want to dedicate this post to the past near-4 years i have had in NCC, and to everything under it. i want to thank everyone in NCC who has been a part of my life, and i want to thank everything that NCC has given me, from a sense of discipline to how to polish boots. today, i can say that i have never regretted joining NCC, and i have never regretted a single day of it, and never regretted every experience it has given me. what it has given me is transcendent of earthly boundaries, and i can't even begin to enumerate, tangibly or otherwise, how much it has given me. such things are impossible to quantify, but they all qualify. my journey from a Recruit to a 1SG will forever be a part of my soul. thanks be to god. for the last time:

Keluar Baris!

AIR GUYS!

Takoyaki (ad)venture...

2009-07-06T14:57:00.003+08:00

HEY Happy Youth Day 2009! yeah, thats the first thing i wanna say. so what hv i done this youth day? well, not much. haha. i finished my chem ws today, in like, half an hour. thank god. anyway, the highlight of today was...me trying to cook japanese takoyaki (octopus balls)! how cool is that? and for a virgin effort (is that the phrase? ah whatever), i think its passable. but hey, my sister (the overly fussy eater) actly ate it, so i guess it was ok. i wolfed it all down. lol. anyway, here r some pics of the completed product. salivate...or not. cheers.

Freshly grilled takoyaki

All sauced up...

and...voila!

2009-07-01T18:11:00.000+08:00

Ignored. Again. By both. Same day. Whatever.

Back to hell and beyond...

2009-06-28T16:08:00.003+08:00

HEY sorry i havent posted in ages. but ive been busy tearing up orchard road during the whole hols. oh and of cos i went to kl from 16-9 jun. abt a week. first week of june hols as u knw was of cos supp class. think i posted abt that right? i cant rmbr. anw. just wanted to post some pics of kl. just food actly. thers not much in kl apart from shopping and food. there arent many pics. just 2 or 3 i think. cos i went to this award-winning chinese restaurant, and u knw how i love chinese food. so i cant get it here, but there, it was halal, so i cld eat. yay. it was heavenly. i swear. i wld so ttly go back again. haha. anyway, its back to hell tmr. and this term is gonna be even more hectic. i hv ap rehearsals, dance practice, prelims etc. sigh. ok nvm. lets not think abt it yet, before having to. its a bit impossible though. hmm... i guess i am kinda looking forward to going back to school tmr, but still. its gonna be a lot to cope with. not to mention from every aspect; physical, mental, emotional etc. so anyway, heres to another term. god help us all.

Phoenix Eye Dumplings

Char Siew Bao

(I LOVE dim sum ;p)

Unanswered...

2009-06-09T11:12:00.005+08:00

No, the following is not a poem, it's just a a-bit-more artistic expression of my feelings. i have no patience with poems ;)

I whispered, found the courage to send it off
I waited night and day, watched, felt myself turning insane from not having a reply
I tried to deny it
But I had as much success as my plan for this in the first place.

I don't know why i even tried
I was persuaded, and blinded
I was willing, yet again, to hurt myself for something that would never be mine, something i could never own
And I showed myself again, how stupid I was, thinking this could work.

I know better now
I'll put the bottle down, but not the blades
I want them to be with me, my best friends in my darkest times
My love, now i know the reason why, and thank you.

I want you to know, that death waits for no man
Including me
I was never a part of your life, but I wanted to be
Still, impossible dreams indeed, I don't refute.

Death is impatient
It waits to claim my soul
I am suffocated by it
But it is so much better than your love.

It's over...

2009-06-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

FINALLY, today was the last day of the supp class for june, and of cos on the very last day, they decide to end things with a bang by having the O Level Literature Revision Seminar. my god, that was a complete waste of time. i mean seriously, who actually learnt something? everyone was tired, restless, listless, and raring to get the hell out of school. of cos, i was no different. except that i was very worried coz my group was only told we would be presenting yesterday, cos its like, 1-2 groups per class. and our group was the only one from our class. so we were effectively screwed. fortunately, we managed to pull through, and as we were the last presentation, i think we definitely ended things with a, uh, bang. those who were there, i think u get what i mean. ;)

So yeah, so ends the first week of the holidays. great. ive still got malay and an amaths paper 2 to finish up. im hoping to be able to finish it by this weekend, although my schedule is a bit jammed. sigh. its only a few months to go before the days of reckoning. o levels i mean. im starting to feel just a bit jittery. ah well, not much i can do about that. oh yeah, except to revise as best as i can these holidays. so many things to do, so little time. haiz. supp class has been a complete bitch btw. i swear. completely harrying. i rly hate supp class. haha. who doesnt.

Anyway, to celebrate the end of supp class (and of course, that blasted seminar), we went to macs at KAP and we were like, singing in the bus, disturbing the peace, and screaming in macs. haha. it was so much fun. then we went to terrorise cold storage. aft that, brian and me went to orchard to walk around (window shopping, mind you) and we saw so many ppl toting bags upon bags. yes, GSS has arrived and GSS fever has begun. mine began last week, so ive been to exercise some self-restraint and not buy everything at one go. haha. we'll see. so yeah, then thats abt it. i swear im so tired. lugging ur sch bag filled with books is not the best thing to do when ur walking ard. a lot. lol. anyway, thats abt it for now. well , yeahs..ciao.

Blood Donation (Bloody Tuesday)...

2009-05-26T22:00:00.008+08:00

OMG i had SO much fun donating blood in school today. it's like, my very first time ever donating blood. and i've been so excited abt it for so long. haha.

I WANNA SAY THANK YOU TO MY GREAT FRIENDS WHO STAYED BACK WITH ME! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok it did suck a bit (no pun intended) cos the nurses deemed me to be looking too tired to proceed when i was like 3/4 of the way through the blood bag (450mL) and i was so pissed. i just wanted to finish it off. haha. but anyway, i suppose im quite satisfied with it. even though it was SO paiseh. in front of everyone, i was like the only one in my class who had to be stopped. haiz. i swear, today dragged on like nobody's business; thanks to the markers' reviews for our mid year papers. so sianz. stupid linda soh. come up to the front, pms and bitch and spray her menses all over the whole PAC. how annoying. i nearly got into trouble just now with my head of level. for having such a smart mouth. i was like, answering back every teacher for the amusement of those around me, and i didnt realise my head of level was quite near behind me. thankfully he was busy looking out for other miscreants to notice me. haha. stupid biatch.

"which one of you claims to be smart?", barked the bitch.

"i do!", retorted the misinterpreted genius (moi)

HAHA. seriously. that was the best. anyway, i have some pics of bloody tuesday. excuse the stupid expressions; i had to take my mind off it somehow. i mean, inexorably there was some fear, however little, that had to be assuaged. thankfully, i have no fear of needles. haha.

seeing a 0.2cm needle poking into my arm was quite fascinating actually. LOL.

after the donation, obviously

being treated after being deemed too tired (LOL)

looking (exaggeratedly) exhausted

half a bag (there was more, this was quite early)

my blood samples for testing

a closeup of my arm (note the black blood)

smiling cheerfully

collecting samples

finally, it began

the anaesthetic jab

prep

before the donation

measuring BP

friends make the world go around!!!

getting pricked for blood testing

Dance pix...

2009-05-24T09:20:00.002+08:00

HEY. JUS DECIDED TO POST SOME DANCE PICS FM MY PHONE.

Post-exam euphoria?...

2009-05-20T19:31:00.002+08:00

SO yes, the exams ended quite a while ago, last friday actually. and i believe i am rather screwed, judging by some of the answers we've gone through. hmm. i haven't got the full results yet, we'll only get them back next monday. so in a way, next monday is kinda like doomsday. its make it or break it. haha. its midyears. ah well. anyway, this whole week has been passing very slowly, sluggishly i might say. in fact, sluggishly is a gross understatement. seriously. its just because of the extra MT periods the sch has cos the express MT students aretaking their june paper, on 1st june, which is like, in a fortnight. so the sch is going intensive MT. and we have to endure that too. 4/7 periods in a day are devoted purely to mother tongue. 200 minutes of acute boredom and ennui. god help us all.

Anyway, this whole week, except friday, i've, like, got dance practice after school, until 5.30. oh god. we have a performance this saturday at SJIJ (st mike's rather), and i am so excited about going back to my alma mater! haha. will prob catch up with the teachers ther if i can. haha. hope ther are teachers i know ther. they've had so many new teachers its amazing. so yeah. oh we're performing a slight variation of our SYF dance, is all. which reminds me, i'll try put some of our vids up on youtube, my channel. not the actual SYF one though, they banned video recording, and they also stopped the video service. but hopefully we can pull some strings and get the vid. so yeah. i finished at 5 today. thankfully. cos got 2 absentees, so cldnt do much formation. but still. my knee is shattering again, thank heavens i bought the knee brace. i am really gonna need it. haha. and i am SO tired right now, u would not believe it. i can barely keep my eyes open.

But really, i can't wait for this week to end. get the performance over with. and then monday is doomsday. and we have to do our lit project by monday as well. how sian is that? i am looking forward to tuesday though. my first blood donation drive!!! haha, im so excited. ill post pix dun worry. haha. esp the gross ones. like the .3cm needle sticking out of my arm, drawing blood into a plastic bag. haha. hilarious. just hope i wont get too dizzy or whatever. that wld be uber embarrassing. uber is like, my new fave word. i dunno y. its quite old, i know. haha. random. so yeah. thats about it. for now. oh yeah. i forgot:

I CANNOT BELIEVE I DID NOT POST ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Yeah, my bday was like 11 days ago. and i LOVE my frens for their gift. it touched me so much. literally, and figuratively, and audiotechnically. HAHA. is that even the right word? anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!

Happy Mother's Day...

2009-05-10T23:12:00.004+08:00

FIRST and foremost, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all mothers out there!! haha. at least to those who celebrate it in this region. remember, its not just today we should remember our mothers; everyday should be mother's day! heres a little something i baked for my mum. one of her faves. it tastes nicer than it looks. trust me on this. i havent cut it up yet. i bet it would hv looked nicer. XD

Brownies!

Rafflesia...

2009-05-02T22:11:00.002+08:00

AFTER attempting to play badminton today, ive realised one thing. i need to WAKE UP and smell the rafflesias which are blooming in front of me, and stop deluding myself that they are beautiful, sweet-smelling roses. seriously. it'd be so much easier.

Pandemic?...

2009-04-30T20:00:00.003+08:00

SO the latest news is that WHO has raised their pandemic alert to Level 5 (of 6), which means that a pandemic is imminent. right. i think we're also at orange alert already. which means that should a confirmed case in spore, schools will most prob close. if schools closed during SARS, and this is worse than SARS, then we can almost be assured that schools will close, sooner or later. its simple logic. dont refute me. haha. well, i really dunno wat the worlds coming to...everything seems to be happening in my generation: economic downturn, H1N1 ('swine' influenza) etc. what a trying time in history. and im sitting o levels this year. right.

Anywaym today was Chemistry SPA skill 3, which basically means u sit for an hour planning a viable experiment to investigate a chemical problem. i think i did quite ok. i got my molar calculation a bit screwed up, but if im lucky, cambridge'll take it as a hypothetical calculation, just to further justify my investigation. but i swear, never again will i forget that calcium has a relative atomic mass of 40. oh yeah, btw my JIEP trip to Shanghai in june has been cancelled, due to the current medical crisis. so which means that i can go for my NCC part A camp! yay! i love having camps in school. haha. esp NCC camps. may be one of my last. sigh. i cant believe 4 years has passed by so fast. i hate it. i wish we had longer. i barely had any time to enjoy with my friends. sigh. what to do?

Oh ya, today was my 2.4 for NAPFA. it was atrocious. so annoying. 12:40. how lousy is that? maybe i should retake next week... but seriously, it sucked so much. i think i'll go try train this week. oh yay, tmr is labour day. haha. thank god. i am in DESPERATE need of the respite. this week has been taxing. very. in fact, taxing is a gross understatement. emotionally, mentally, physically drained, exhausted, depleted. note the order of my welfare, and the synonyms. haha. its called diction. oh please, gimme a break.

I Do Not Hook Up...

2009-04-29T20:42:00.002+08:00

Kelly Clarkson is the greatest artiste alive. I rest my case.

Mid-years...

2009-04-26T21:29:00.003+08:00

I cannot believe it. MYEs are 10 days away. im so screwed. this term has just whizzed by. we're already halfway through the term. and i havent really felt anything going into my head. i mean seriously. all we've been focussing on is the stupid SPA skill 3. it just pisses me off. so much. i dun feel prepared for myes at all. well ive finished 1 round of mugging, next week is gonna be intensive revision in TYS and all that. sigh. im so jaded. god i love that word. argh. i hate midyears. i hate exams. i just want knowledge, for goodness's sake! who cares about exams? sigh.

Débâcle...

2009-04-18T19:10:00.003+08:00

TODAY was the quarter finals. we're out. we lost. we made history. there's nothing else that can be said.

Newspapers...

2009-04-13T20:41:00.005+08:00

OH yeah, i forgot to mention. i was in the berita harian. my first newspaper article! yay! haha. heres a part of it. its for the BH-Obor Debate Championships (Pertandingan Bahas) 2009.

SYF...

2009-04-08T17:32:00.002+08:00

WELL, its been a week since I've posted. and yes the syf happened yesterday. personally, and as a dance troupe, we all felt great abt it. the performance i mean. when we previewed it to the school, it was such a warm reception. alas, when we received the results today, it was Silver. well, i suppose, for a first time, we can take it as a learning step. what matters is, we did our best, we had a hell of a time, and we kicked ass. totally. i mean, most of us are really sad that thers no more dance training. we rly enjoyed the time we had together dancing. and i dun think any of us regret going for it. so yeah, thanks everyone. too all the dancers, teachers, choreographers, supporters, thanks so much for all ur efforts. we really appreciate it. and hopefully we can do better next time!

Term 2...

2009-04-01T20:37:00.002+08:00

SO the horror has begun. sigh. i was right. it is gonna be a taxing term. mid years are in week 7, with mother tongue in week 5. timetable was given out today. haiz. the BH pidato qualifiers are next saturday. SYF is next tuesday (SHRIEK). sigh. im just taking it one step at a time. i mean, thats like the best way.

Anyway, i kinda regret going for the pidato at TPJC today. i mean, i missed chem and maths. chem we went thru the tests we just had. and maths she started on differentiation of trigonometric functions which, sadly, is highly complex. as a result, i am utterly deceased. die lor. stupid trigo. i hate amaths trigo. i think ive expressed that particular sentiment in previous posts on this blog before. haha. im just saying. and i also missed PSE, cause today was friday's timetable. i mean, its not that i didnt want to go for the pidato, but i missed out a LOT today. apparently there was some talk in the PAC, and i dun even know for wat. sigh. i rly gave up a lot for that pidato. and i dun think it was quite worth it. i dunno. im confused.

Seriously, im just so confused at this stage of my life. those of you who know why, yeah, thats why. i mean, its something so new and ive never had something like this happening before. its so annoying, when i dun hv all the answers. i really, really hate being in the dark, and having to second-guess so many things. to be unsure of so many things. ive never been this unsure in my life. as to where to go from now, and what am i supposed to do. i seem to be praying for guidance which never seems to come. so help me, god.

I cant wait for Friday. its gonna be another slack day. its founder's day. what a bore. anyway, were expected to finish by 1130. so yeah. then im headed home. thers training tmr, but i think it'll be ok. hopefully. i dunno. im never sure of anything these days...

"many nights we pray, with no proof anyone could hear..."

School Redux...

2009-03-22T13:51:00.002+08:00

YES the holidays are at an end. we all go back to school tomorrow, officially. well, i must say that the holidays were a welcome break, despite the fact that i still had to go back to school quite a few days. but then again, im not complaining. i mean, most other ppl had to as well, and at least i didnt hv any camps during the hols (poor SJAB, NPCC, SJIMB) since we already had our NCC company camp a fortnight ago. thankfully. so it was ok for me. it was just SYF dance practice on saturday, monday, wednesday, friday, yesterday and tonight. tuesday was a free day, which i used to finish some work. thursday we had our class bbq. and tonight i hv SYF rehearsal at NUS-UCC.

Ok. syf dance this whole week left me in varying states of pain. but it was also really fun. and anyway SYF is in 3 weeks, i think. so yeah, must get all the practice we can get. jiayou! i think we've gotten quite good despite only training for 5 months, going on 6.

Thursday. Class bbq. it was so much fun. i mean, although i didnt swim or play games, it was still a cool night. and at least i managed to enjoy myself. it was kinda like a potluck, unofficially, so everyone brought something. guess what i brought? my cupcakes! although i made like a double batch and tried to ice it. with a piping bag. yet the icing looked horrendous. i was so angry with the icing lol. but in the end it was all for the better. i mean, the class finished it. haha. i was so happy. i was so scared id hv to bring home cupcakes. at least i only had to bring home the trays. haha. i still looked like a twat carrying those trays on the bus though. but then again, i always look like a twat. so no diff haha.

Then on friday, after SYF, i went with saiful and sufi go makan, after friday prayers, went to LJS at DHOBY ghaut (haha). not the PS one, but the one further down than macdonald house, en route to cathay itself. yeah. then i went home. and i finished all my homework! i was so happy i finished the ss. it was what i'd been dreading the whole hols. but it turned out to be quite ok. at least i now know more about the Rwandan Genocide. so yeah. i had no piano today, so managed to wake up late, esp after staying up till 3 yest. haha. opportunistic. im still sleepy if u will believe it. despite the 8 solid hours of sleep. and then i hv SYF rehearsal tonight. its like, the one and only rehearsal at the venue before the actual SYF. haiz. i hv to be in sch by 1930. our slot is at 2100-2200. so short. >.< im so scared that ill black out at the UCC stage later. they all say its so huge u get intimidated. but we'll see later. ;) so yeah. thats abt it for my hols. i dun hv any pics of anything though, sorry :D go facebook them. anyway. random.

This term is gonna be a descent into the deeper pits of hell. everything is happening this term. SYF, AP, BH debates. and on top of all that, i hv to manage my studies well and my ccas. esp mid years! i dunno how were going to pass MYE. i mean, even last year's work will be tested. and seeing as how most of us have practically forgotten everything we learnt last year, its gonna be a real problem. haha. haiz. stress. (its not boding well for my visage either. stupid stress-zits) well, ok then ciao for now.

2009-03-16T21:56:00.003+08:00

BREATHE NO MORE - EVANESCENCE

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
But I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.
So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe
I breathe no more.

Full Results...

2009-03-13T20:51:00.003+08:00

SO here are the atrocious results of my first term in Sec.4, incidentally my last ever Common Test in SJI, cos after this its Mid years, then Prelims, then O's. so sad. no more common tests. term 3 cannot slack anymore. haha. anyway. lets publish the news.

(click to enlarge)

Cupcakes...

2009-03-09T19:38:00.005+08:00

SO heres the deal; yesterday, at abt 8pm, i had a whim to bake cupcakes. dun ask me why. its just one of those things. so anyway, i frantically rush to go buy all the ingredients. im back by 9. i immediately start cooking. i finished by 10. thankfully. so anyway, here're the results of my virgin foray into baking cupcakes. yes, i have baked, but never cupcakes before. dun mind the pink icing; my sister wanted it, and anyway, i thought, what the hell, it was international women's day yesterday, so i decided to give it to my mum. anyway, heres the pics. i know the icing looks atrocious, but its not my fault; ive never iced before. apart from that though, it was quite nice for a first try, if i may say so myself. :D

un-iced cupcakes, fresh from the oven...

voila! the final product. complete with pink icing...

CT1 Results...

2009-03-03T19:00:00.002+08:00

OK so i've gotten back 5 out of 9 subjects. not very good. no, im not being insensitive, its just that i hv other expectations of myself. heres the breakdown (as of3/3/09):

Elementary Mathematics: 74% (A2) [quite a lot of ppl, not in my class though, got full marks]
Additional Mathematics: 80% (A1) [ i consider this an ok mark, i would have liked at least 85%]
Physics: 78% (A1) [ terrible. not even 80. my fren got 93%]
Chemistry: 83% (A1) [i like this mark, but i know i could hv done better; stupid molar calculation]
Biology: 86% (A1) [ highest in class, tying with Andrew. quite surprised with this mark, since
i've been getting 68% for bio for the past 3 terms]

So there you go. i'm only waiting for the rest of the subjects for judgment to pass. sigh.

It's Over...

2009-02-27T23:46:00.002+08:00

IT'S finally over. the common tests for this term are over. now i just have to survive mid years, prelims and o levels. what a lovely prospect. well, anyway, lit paper was ok, i think i managed to scrape another borderline pass. twats. whatever it is, training was a bitch, as usual. and i mean that in a bad way. i swear, im just glad this very taxing and tiring week is over. not that im looking forward to next week, what with company camp, and the prospect of me speaking in front of parents inexorably looming ahead. sigh. i want to get back my results next monday tho. as much as possible. and yes, i PASSED SS. finally. after failing it the last 3 consecutive terms, depending on my geog to compensate, and getting a mediocre mark for combined humanities, hopefully, ill just be able to do a bit better this term. whatever it is, i know emaths and amaths are screwed up. phy, chem, and bio was easy. so, yeah.

Anyway, i've been watching ayat-ayat cinta this whole week for malay lessons, and we finally finished it today. yes, i was in tears by the end of it. yeah yeah, go boil ur brains. i cry. sue me. can u blame me? it was such a sad ending that i could not help but cry. how cliched that sounds. dear god. no but seriously, i would recommend ppl who believe in true love and all that to go and watch it. its really quite touching. it doesnt only cover love from that perspective, but other things, like love of religion, love of self etc. u get the picture. so yeah. im like, hooked on it now. i changed my wallpaper. im even listening to the songs. can u beat that? im listening and singing along to a malay song! ok well actually its an indonesian film and the soundtrack's indonesian too. yes, which means the songs are in Bahasa Indonesia. but not much difference anyway. so yeah, im really tired. night.

Common Tests...

2009-02-23T16:38:00.003+08:00

WELL i know i should be revising for tomorrow (i have, actually), considering its ss and geog tmr. ah well, i'll make sure i study later. my goal this term is to pass SS. must pass. cannot be failing anything this year. anyway, amaths paper today wasn't that bad. i dun think ill be able to get that high, thanks to some careless mistakes and some completely-didn't-know-how-to-do qns. hopefully, i can get by on method marks :D. thank god for method marks. well, we'll see how i do next week. i am so not looking forward to tomorrow. ss and geog together means that my hand will drop off and my pens will explode. then of cos, my brain will just vapourise, and thers still the qn of getting through the rest of lessons tmr after CT. of cos it doesnt help that u watch Ayat-Ayat Cinta just before amaths. ok nvm.i dun wana talk abt amaths anymore. must focus on combined humans now. so anyway, just wanted to blog and update, cos i know its been abt, an ice age, since i last blogged. hopefully, ill be able to post again once the world gets a bit thawed out. or at least, my brain. ok. bad joke.

Valentine's...

2009-02-14T21:54:00.003+08:00

IF valentine's = love, and
love = life, and
life = lie
therefore valentine's = love = life = lie!

thus, x = no solution!

Equation solved. Pure Genius.

Sports Heats...

2009-02-03T21:18:00.000+08:00

ONE word: FIASCO.

KC!...

2009-01-27T15:43:00.003+08:00

My Life Would Suck Without You ( 2009 New Single) - Kelly Clarkson

Composing...

2009-01-27T14:05:00.003+08:00

OK so i chionged to finish all my homework today, which meant doing geog, lit and maths all at one go. so sian. i cldnt even be bothered to do the ss. ill do it tmr. its such a headbanger anyway. balanced conclusion. right. we'll see who's unbalanced after that. sigh. anyway, decided to try something new today. well, not exactly new, but something i haven't done too many times. decided to try and compose again. its coming along very, very slowly. usually, its just songwriting, but never composing. tried last time, i gave up. just couldn't get it out. sigh. anyway, i, gonna try and work on it, and see what turns out. aiyah, back to school tomorrow. and wednesday is the most xiong day. triple science, double maths and lit. then thursday got pe, and english presentation. ARGH. thank god friday is a holiday...

Tired...

2009-01-20T20:27:00.003+08:00

OH god, today was such a taxing day. i swear. lit, triple science, pe, eng and maths. dear god. physically AND intellectually draining. then after school, had dance training. and since were doing for CNY concert, got held back till 1730, doing intensive choreography. i think got blister on my toe lor. or something like that. it just hurts lol. then tmr got english mentorship/twinning AND more dance practice. then i hv to miss like 2 hrs of dance training, AND catch up on my own. how bad is that? then, friday got performance itself. so sad, i cant relax and enjoy my last CNY concert. must perform. then after concert, stupid nevina want to hold extra SS lesson for an hour. betol tau, hanya kerana die tak mahu menikmati percutian dier, tidak bermakna kite tak nak menikmati percutian kite. tak, nak kene dengar die, berjela-jela, sampai aku tertidor kat situ jugak. dahlah buat topik pantat habis; die nak buat Balanced Conclusion Question skills. nauzubillah. aku sumpah, nazak habis. dahlah lesson die boring, subjek tu boring, die boring, skill tu pon boring. dah, jangan nak cakap lagi. sepuluh minit, satu kelas hancur. aku sumpah, lesson die boring habis. i never know how i survive. ok anyway, no idea when my next post will be, if i survive this week...

2009-01-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

CORPORAL MORTIFICATION

RESULTS!!!...

2009-01-12T19:18:00.004+08:00

WELL, so i finally got back my results for o level today. as expected, i was hyperventilating and shivering while waiting for it. i wonder, how am i gonna feel during results next year, when i have *9* subjects coming back. haha. anyway, good news: i got A2 for it and Distinction for Oral/Aural which is quite surprising. imagine me getting distinction for SPEAKING malay. LOL. bad news: i got an A2. yes, i wish i cld have gotten an A1. it'd have been nice to get ant A1 for my first o level grade. sigh. never mind. then, of course, my formal introduction to the school as President MCS was embarrassing, to say the least. i hate being dragged in front of everyone and being paraded. then of course, have to solemnly swear the student leaders' pledge. dear god, i felt like a witness at court. seriously lor. anyway, decided to post my Results Slip!

(click to enlarge)

Dunno...

2009-01-11T18:03:00.003+08:00

WELL, i was right. training on friday was a bit sian. not that bad, considering its the first training of the year. i mean, we started at 3, then listened to mok talk a while, slacked, then escaped to comlab to do newsletter, then changed for PT. sure, i had to run 1.6 for PT and some static exercises, but it was manageable. then after that, had debrief for Specs. dear god, halfway through the meeting he tells me i dun need to be there since i have other things on that day. git. wasted my time. then rushed off to NYP with zh and ash cos they wanted to go. i was so tired already. i was falling asleep at the open house. and there was a live band playing.thats saying something. anyway, only finished at 9.30. then made my way home. managed to get home by 10.05. then of course, switched on the comp and was glued there.

Saturday wasn't much. i went with michael to TP's open house. it was boring, to be honest. engineering and design. not high on my list. not ON my list, actually. then, walked ard Tampines Mall, then i went back. today was boring too. just watched sepet. rly nice story. gonna cook the dinner now. chicken pie. cant think of what else to cook.

Tomorrow is gonna be a slack but humiliating day. during inaugural service, i have to go up on stage to be formally introduced as President MCS. i feel like some stupid debutante. why not just have a ball? jeez. then, ill prob be humiliated during o level results release. i cant believe it. ill be o level qualified tmr. haha. well, its just for one subject though. gr. i wish i could have sat my english o levels last year. and lit. anyway. gotta go cook now. if not ill be having a late dinner. i wish myself luck for tomorrow.

O-Level Results...

2009-01-08T16:54:00.002+08:00

WELL, its been a while. but this week has just been really hectic. and not to mention head-banging. on tuesday, i had SYF training until 4.30. then on wednesday had triple science, double maths and lit. dear god, i swear i had a headache by chem, and was asleep by the second maths period. it was amazing how long the day stretched on. then today was just as bad. even though it was slack , with rme, pe was an absolute killer. thankfully malay was slack. i gave up after maths la. then last period physics just pretended to listen. thank god i did all the work beforehand. then after that, i rushed to finish my maths homework so i wldnt hv to lug my HEAVY amaths textbook home, then i rushed home. i swear, the days are just so much longer than last year. i dunno why, but im really tired everyday. and i have training tmr; i really dunno how im gonna survive that. i just need to get over tmr. then next monday is the release of the o-level results. DAY OF RECKONING. ill know my results by about 12.30, i think. i am SO gonna die. im so scared to find out how i did. yet i wanna how what all my efforts came up to. well, wish me luck. i dunno if ill be posting tmr. ill prob be too tired. so until the weekend. i think.

Love this song...

2009-01-05T21:48:00.001+08:00

I ABSOLUTELY this song. its so frank, and so powerful.

New Year Resolutions...

2009-01-03T14:00:00.002+08:00

NO this is not my NYR, because i have never believed in having any. it has always amused me how ppl actually set NYRs, wanting to fulfill them at the start of the year, and somehow it just dies off by midyear. of course, there are those select few who actually follow through and manage to accomplish whatever they set out to do at the start of the year, but as i said. a select few. the majority just dies off. i suppose its another facet of human nature. set goals. be ambitious. and then, im busy the whole year working, being with my family. yeah who hasnt heard those excuses? and im not saying theyre not true, im SURE theyre true to a certain extent, but still. i dunno, ive never been one to set goals, cos i know that if i dun fulfill them, my mind will be screwed up by the "fact" that i failed. and all the psychological baggage that comes along with it. which is why, for me, i just work as hard as i can, and whatever i get, i TRY to be satisfied with it. though those who know me will definitely know that is hardly ever true. so i guess thats one bad point about not having a goal. you're less prepared for the fall. but i think ill take that anytime. twice the pride, double the fall. so halve the damn pride. jeez. its only simple maths.

2009-01-02T22:02:00.003+08:00

"Helheim, Avalon, I don't care what it's called. Where is it?"

- Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: Underworld

Hey, this is my 100th post!!! Celebrate!!!

First day...

2009-01-02T20:16:00.003+08:00

OK i am so gonna start bitching, big-time. what a stupid, draining first day of school! i mean, the first 2 periods were class admin, but after that, lessons started. we started redox reactions in chem (thank god ive read the whole chapter), then nevina started on SS, giving notes and everything, then going into development for geog. then luckily malay was a slack period. then recess, then physics started on magnetism (thankfully only the basics), and i was in time for english to know that i had a journal for homework. lovely. 3 lessons i learnt in 2008/ things i learnt abt myself. self-reflection. what a biatch. oh yeah, and nevina gave homework. read chapter 6 and fill in the worksheet. due week 2. journal due monday. WTH.

Okay, then after all the academic crap, after going for friday prayers, had to drag myself back to school for NCC EXCO meeting and photoshoot. bloody hell, stuck in the freaking hot uniform, burning in the sun, squatting down until my leg hurt, just to wait to be positioned and then smiling my totally artificial, vapid smile for the camera. then limping back to meeting venue. then enduring 3 hours of mindless talking and pretending to look occupied. then actually having to talk. though, thankfully i was only called on to opine once. other than that, it was just sheer boredom, listening to everyone else spewing their impromptu "preparations" regarding 2009 workplan. i swear, i lost more than a million brain cells in that 3 hours alone.

Bloody hell, who could ever have a more taxing day??? that is probably the worst first day ive ever had. and my schedule just keeps getting more and more packed from next week onwards. sigh. back to the grindstone. well, anyway, happy weekends.

bitching completed

Happy New Year...

2009-01-01T19:18:00.000+08:00

HAPPY new year to everyone out there. this is my first post of this year. whoopee-doo. lovely. its back to school tomorrow, and i have cca after school. stupid EXCO meeting, and then i have to bring my whole uniform for photo-taking. who in their blessed right mind has cca on the first day of school? even the other UGs arent having training. its just mine. just my luck. i wonder if even the sports/games are having training. i wld actually look forward to school tmr, except for the fact that there's cca. i swear to god.

Anyway, tomorrow i am officially Sec.4. trust me, it is scary. especially when i can still remember my primary 3 days. in detail. its amazing how much time has passed, really, and all the changes time has brought. to be completely honest, its disconcerting, to say the least. and this year is also my o-level. as in, all my subjects, and not just S4ML. and THAT is scary. sigh. its like PSLE all over again. something i will never forget. then once results release, its choosing which school you're going to go to. again. oh yeah, tomorrow will the final time i'm starting a year in SJI. in one year's time, god only knows where i'll be starting school in.

I actually feel sad about it, i've really grown to like SJI and i've grown up with it so much, and its given to me so much as a person. i really can't bear to leave it all behind, and if i had a choice, i would definitely choose SJI again.i havent regretted joining SJI for a single moment (even if there are irksome things like CCA), ever since i stepped into the school. its hard to believe, but im actually so attached to my school, and i love my school. i spent the best years of my life here in SJI, i think, no, im sure. and im really, really, loath to let go of it all. thats the thing about me; i hate moving on [;)] and i hate change. sure, that'll probably make life a hell of a lot more difficult for me, but i dun really care.

I am going to start well tomorrow, because its the last time i get to start. and i know, i will never regret my choice, never regret the path that i have taken. "Never doubt what you have done" Damn right that is, and damn right i am never doubting what i do. S4, here i come.