tGiF...

YES, its friday. finally. today was such a slack day. i mean, ok first 2 periods were maths (which was not too bad) and ss (during which ms mara let us listen to U2's bloody sunday, cos were doing NI) then i left for satay-selling! i swear we had so much fun! i forgot how much fun i used to have selling it. i swear, when the lower sec recess began, all hell broke loose. taking orders, collecting money, scooping gravy, serving up. damn. i cld work as a waiter at a posh restaurant. anyway, i was in a white Byford t-shirt, with a kain slung across me, which i must say got in the way of serving, but i think it was kinda cool (as unflattering to my appearance as it is). i didnt manage to get any pix of myself though :( , cos we were so busy. but nvm. whatever it was, we were nearly sold out with the gravy (effectively the whole satay rig) before the upper sec recess began, so that by the time the upper sec boys came down, there was like major shortage of gravy. but anyway, all 2000 sticks sold. wow. it always happens, without fail, despite the tamil cultural society bringing in a roti prata man today, cooking prata fresh. we also got stay man ok, grilling satay fresh.

then we finished at about 11.45. so our teacher said we could just hang around until time to go for friday prayers. so thats what we did, chatted, took pix, and just chilled. then went for friday prayers, came back, changed into PT kit for training. training was bearable today. dunno how many times i got knocked down, though. whatever. had 1 1/2 hrs of badminton for PT. it was so much FUN. thats what i call PT, and i think i burnt more calories playing badminton than our usual PT (running, pushups, situps). so we were dismissed at 6. thank god. then, while waiting for my mum, whipped out my maths homework and got started. it was quite amazing that i could still think straight after everything today, cos i was just exhausted, enervated.

so yeah, thats the personal commentary over. anyway. what happens when your self-esteem takes a really good beating? i mean, seriously, when u realise that u are really nothing, nothing in this big, big world, where there are millions of people better than you, where you a re so insignificant, like a speck of dust in the universe. yeah, of course it sucks, but why do u actually feel like that? i mean, obviously, you've got some psychological and emotional troubles, but do you sort them out? or just ignore them, because you enjoy being "special"?

the need for acceptance into the majority is such an important characteristic of human nature, so much so that sometimes we don't even realise how much we yearn for it. im not saying that everyone feels this yearning, but when i do, and its something ive been feeling almost my whole life, it really hurts. and it pierces right to the core. why can't i just fit in, and be like everyone else? why can't i be normal? maybe its cos ive been marked to never join the ranks of normal people; there are so many things i want to be able to do, but i won't let myself do, because at those times, i just hate myself for being who i really am, and at those times really wish i was normal, like everyone else. don't ask me what i'm talking about, cos i won't tell you, but its enough to know it, right?