Evil...

TO many of us, evil seems to be equated to acts of immorality. notice that i use immorality, not amorality. note the distinction. divagation aside, back to evil. the etymology of the word can be traced back through the languages to one word: regression. in all essences. i suppose its right actually. acts of evil are basically a regression of the self. nothing about morals or whatever. oh, morals. a code of ethics written by Man to justify their wrongdoings and to easier sentence their criminals. but before i go further, let me say first; evil and good are purely subjective and depend on a person's perspective.

Yeah sure u might say that I'm immoral (or amoral, whichever u want), that i'm inhumane and the fact that i'm not outrightly condemning evil is proof of my lack of humanity, but maybe u need to open your mind a little. in this world, a lot of things may be seen as evil, but there are an equal number of things that are perceived as evil, but are truly amoral in their actions and fully depend on intent. when you know how much evil exists in this world, you slowly begin to lose any hope you had, any illusion you entertained that good can prevail in this world. but being wise homo sapiens that u are, im sure u already know that. slowly, even the "goodness" starts ebbing away, slowly at first, then in torrents consequently, until one day you are left with no hope at all, till even Pandora's Box is emptied.

Finally, you begin to doubt everything that you ever knew. until all that's left is a void, emptied of life, of emotion, or goodness. then, when everything seems like it can't get any worse, then you begin to lose your sanity, then your soul, and ultimately, your life. i don't know how to be happy anymore, which is why i don't understand how some people can find it within them to pursue happiness, for themselves and others around them. of course, it's excellent that these people can do that, and that's all fine and good. at least they can find happiness in their life on this earth. then, for me, the happiness just dies. people have told me that my eyes are lifeless, they are dead, as good as a corpses'. and the thing is, i know that. i can make peoples' smiles falter when i look at them. that time i was in the MRT i looked at this guy coming in, and he was smiling happily, but as soon as he saw me, i saw his smile slip off, with the merest flicker of fear in his eyes. and the thing is, i'm actually fascinated with this thing. normally, people would be worrying if their eyes were appearing dead. but for me, i want it to happen more. i like that it happens. i like that i have that ability to induce such negativity. its beautiful, in i dark glamour kind of way. i wish i could do more with my eyes though - 'were they a basilisk's, to strike thee dead'

By now, you probably think i'm off my rocker. i wouldn't blame you. yet another thing i've learnt is that insanity or madness is also subjective. an anachronism may be seen as madness, yet in its own time, would be seen as the norm. so you see, i dun mind it muh when people call me insane or twisted. i prefer to think...experimentally. what does it matter, right, if my humanity is leaving me? after all, i might be able to live a bit easier that way...