Not enough...

MANY times, i really feel like i'm not good enough. like i see them, and it's like, i wonder if they'd been better for you. and it hurts. and it sucks. cos i know. i mean, i also know the truth, but deep down, subconsciously, i dunno what happens. i saw it. deep down, there's still that spark, that yearning. something i could never replace. but hey, i understand. after all, i'm not perfection incarnate. though i wish i were. yeah i know what they're gonna say. why aren't you grateful for what you have? don't look at what you want, look at what you have right? well, it can be rly difficult to do that a lot of times...cos it just seems so unfair. that no matter how hard i try, you can never be enough. not for anyone. that image is branded on my mind now. and i know it's gonna affect me for a while. like, maybe it wld've been so much better for everyone. bottomline? i'm just not good enough. really. if i ever thought i was, then it was a mistake. it is a mistake. it's sad. it affects me so much. makes me wanna go back to my old ways. but i know i musn't, for you...though it would mitigate the pain to a certain extent. in fact, to a large extent. and i would deserve it wholly. alas, i can only dream of it...i can't get that image out of my head now. it wld really have been better for you.